I had a baby

I'd like you all to meet the best baby around. Here is Jane Amelia, born September 8 at 1:23 p.m. weighing in at 7 pounds and measuring 19.5 inches. Gory details that everyone loves to read (admit it!!):
The hospital had room for me so we went in Thursday morning to get on some drugs to get baby girl out. We got to the hospital at 6:30 a.m., started pitocin at 8 and we were just hanging out texting family any updates (there weren't many). I was feeling pretty good through all of the contractions, even though one of my nurses was retarded and brand new and couldn't get my IV in or anything. They told me the doctor would be in around lunch time to break my water, so Jason ran to the post office really quickly. Well, my doctor showed up around 10:15 to break my water so Jason missed it (he was really excited to see that part for some reason). A few minutes went by and all of a sudden the contractions were so intense that I was sweating and counting down and jiggling my legs to get through it. It happened so fast; I was joking with Jason and then the next thing I know I'm yelling at him to SHUT UP! It was great. Epidural man showed up about a half hour later, asked me a bunch of stupid questions and I wanted to tell him to SHUT UP, too! At 11, the epidural kicks in and I'm numb and can't move my legs and feel like a beached whale. I'm dilated at a six and retarded nurse struggles to put a catheter in and exclaims, "you have a very small urethra!" Thanks. You're retarded. At 11:30, I'm at a 10. At 12, her head's poking out. Jason said it looked like a baby's head smeared with mayonnaise. Isn't that a disgusting description? But I'm sure it was accurate. Baby's heart rate kept dropping and retarded nurse wasn't very good at hiding that she was nervous when she put some oxygen on me. My doctor finally shows up at 1:15 and gets all his gear ready. I seriously can't feel a thing since the epidural is still going strong and I'm cracking jokes with the nurses and talking about the lady next door yelling so much. They tell me to push and I think I am, but who knows? My doctor says, "no, no, you can't push a baby out with your eyes open!" and I ask him if it makes him nervous if I make eye contact while pushing. See what I mean about cracking jokes? Those epidurals are crazy. Five more "real" pushes with my eyes closed (and an episiotomy) later, Jane is out and is purple and screaming because she's so mad. Jason's stunned and I have to tap him because the doctor's trying to get him to cut the cord. It happened so fast that neither of us could really believe it. Aren't you supposed to be pushing for two hours with your first baby? We brought books to read because we thought it would take so long! I don't even know where those books are now. It was just so surreal.

So now I have a baby. A 4.5 week old one. She's really sweet and doesn't get mad at me that much. Her hair is still blondish and her skin is so soft. I want to pick at her baby zits but I won't. When my friend came over last week to visit, she was holding Jane and she got fussy (the baby...not my friend). As soon as I held her, she calmed down because I'M THE MOM. Isn't that weird?

Behold, the little one: